The 2007-08 NBA Season - The Beautiful Game

I can't stop watching basketball. In the past weeks it's become a gripping addiction.

I found myself watching the Houston Chicago game last night, two teams that I almost despise watching. I think there are even some fans of the two who would agree that neither team plays a particularly exciting brand of basketball. But I had to watch.

How were Larry Hughes and Drew Gooden going to fit in Chicago? Can the Rockets keep their remarkable play going (no matter how many games they win, it's still not all that exciting to watch)? I was amazed by how quickly easily I could get sucked into this game, and a testament to just how good this NBA season is. To answer my previous questions, the Bulls new players fit in fairly well, and the Bulls as a team continued to play fairly not quite good (that's the only way I can describe it). Houston on the other hand is continuing it's streak of brilliant play by being the most boring western conference team to watch. I can't wait for the Rockets to drag out the first round to seven excruciating games so they can lose again. By game 5 every NBA fan in the country (outside of Houston) will be hoping for the series to just be over already. I can't wait!

I had to watch the Cavs play a mostly terrible Memphis team to find out how the new players would fit together and to begin to answer the burning question in Cleveland and Chicago, was Ben Wallace cartering it with the Bulls? (For those unfamiliar with the verb "cartering" it is defined as; losing interest, giving up, forfeiting effort, turning cities and countries against you. That's right ladies and gentlemen, Vince Carter is now a verb!)

The answer was a resounding "maybe."

I even had to watch the entirety of the blowout that was the Suns - Pistons game. Mostly to watch the results of this Shaq experiment unfold. Something that I'm slowly drawing conclusions upon that I'll touch on after I've watched a few more games. Partly to find out exactly how the Pistons are good. Everyone I ask about this looks at me like I'm crazy. Like it's just a given that the Detroit Pistons are a good basketball team. For some reason I'm still not sold, record, statistics and other objective measures be damned!

Then there was the Lakers - Sonics game. I don't care how loathed the Lakers may around many parts of the country. Any basketball fan should be watching them every chance they get because they are simply playing an exceedingly beautiful brand of basketball right now.

Jason Kidd has 32 assists in his last two games, grabbing 17 of them last night. To say that my interest has been piqued would be putting it mildly, even though I really didn't like the trade for Dallas, and still don't.

None of this even takes into account that the pre-trade deadline media darling, the Boston Celtics, were in action against an intriguing Portland team.

Just another night in the 2007-08 NBA regular season.

Shaq Face

I've been thinking about this for days now. In Shaq's debut with the Suns everyone knows he was very bad in the first half and very good in the second half. What bothered me about the whole thing was during the first half Shaq had a rather peculiar look on his face.

His mouth hung open and he was dripping sweat. His eyes weren't quite focused. He was taking quick shallow breaths and looked worried. It didn't look the same way an athlete does when he's just plain winded. It looked different.

I just moments ago remembered where I've seen this face.
It's the same face a guy who's just eaten way way too much greasy food makes. A whole pizza and a couple dozen chicken wings is a sure fire way to trigger this. It's the unnerving feeling that there's a great big avalanche of evil coming out of you, one way or another. You just don't know which end it's coming out of.

I don't know why he was making this face, but he clearly was.

Maybe at halftime he got to take a dump? Maybe the second half Shaq is what we will see with some Metamucil every morning?

I don't know, but I finally placed that uncomfortable face he wore for the whole first half and feel the need to tell someone.

"We should emulate the Suns with Shaq" - ?

A fan from which team said this?
Clearly it must be a team with an all time dominant low post player. Most likely Orlando or Houston.

Upon further examination it's actually a fan of the Milwaukee Bucks.

The poster further explains "We could run an up tempo offense and still utilize Bogut like the Suns plan on using Shaq. Get out in transition and when it isn't working in transition dump the ball into Bogut and let him go to work. "

I don't mean this to rip an innocent message board poster on RealGM, but more to pose a question. After what we've seen so far this season in Miami, is this comparison even ridiculous? Has Shaq been any better than Andrew Bogut this year, and is there any reason the two couldn't fill similar roles?

According to every report the fountain of youth lies in Phoenix, and Shaq's been drinking from it like Vin Baker from a bottle of Boone's Farm. So I guess the answer depends solely on if you believe those reports or not.

The NBA is like shopping.

It seems the NBA season may have peaked already. Gasol, Shaq and Marion have already been traded. Jason Kidd may or may not have been traded.

All this is great. It's interesting, keeps people focused on the league. Only problem is this happened before the all star break. Every year the most exciting thing, far and away, during all star weekend is the trade talks. Unfortunately the league was on pace to win 70 games with these trades and now it looks like there's nothing left in the tank.

What the hell am I going to think about between now and tuesday? So I'll compare some deals teams have made and are trying to make to things that have absolutely nothing to do with basketball. I'm choosing shopping for my comparison. I don't know why.

Shaq to Phoenix. I'd say it's like going to Saks, buying a thousand dollar suit, and opening a store credit card to do it. It could help you get a fantastic new job, you could also spend $3000 paying it back.

Gasol to the Lakers. The Lakers didn't need Gasol. They looked like contenders anyway (pre Kobe finger injury 6 weeks unpleasantness). It was like they had huge plasma TV, good surround sound, and some comfy couches surrounding it all, then decided to go out and get an Xbox 360 for all of it. Except they found a gift card for $500 to pay for it (Kwame Browns contract) and the cashier somehow rang it up for 30% off (Chris Wallace will be playing the cashier, a role he will probably be playing in another two years. By playing I mean it will actually be his vocation).

Kidd to Mavs. I'm not really sure that the Mavs get anything out of this, so it's more like transferring the balance from a low interest rate credit card to a high interest rate rewards credit card. Then defaulting on half the money you owe (resigning Stackhouse after he's bought out). Then the janitor at the credit card company throws out your application because he doesn't want to live in New Jersey for 4 months.

Anything Isiah Thomas tries to do. I'd compare this to a crack-head walking around with a 6 foot length of garden hose, his shoes, and a football phone and trying to trade it to anyone who will give him 3 consecutive minutes for an '89 Cadillac El Dorado that's missing both doors, the trunk, and has blood all over the seats. It also has one of those orange stickers stating that the owner will owe $400 for towing fee's if the car isn't moved within 48 hours.

Anything the Cavs try to do. If the Lakers found a $500 gift card, and Isiah has some garden hose and a football phone to trade, then the Cavs have a $10 old navy gift card. Ira Newble's expiring contract is a $10 old navy gift card. You can't get much for it, there's not many places to use it, and when you can use it there's nothing you really want. Then there's the problem that they have to use the gift card under a leg of the coffee table to keep it from wobbling with all the injuries, so they're not even sure they can use it if they want to.

Anything involving Ron Artest. It's like buying and selling drugs people. You could end up in jail, you could end up dead, you could end up with your whole life ruined. You could also end up having a lot of fun (kids- don't do drugs). If only we could hook Ron up with Isiah, in terms of this strictly non basketball comparison it makes endless sense.

I'm just going to take a moment to apologize for the inanity of my column. I'm overwhelmed and disappointed right now. I'm sorry.