The Blue Devil is Red!

Duke pretty much dismantled Georgia Tech last night and did so without even playing particularly well. I can't claim to be even remotely objective when it comes to Duke (or anything else, really). I hate the team. I hate the school. I still watch though because it's basketball. I wish they were more known for something like water polo so I could tune them out of my collective universe.

The Duke men's basketball team seems to be quite good. From what I understand this wasn't supposed to be a very good year for the team, unfortunately the team itself hasn't fulfilled this prophecy.

What's so unsettling is not the fact that Duke is a good team, but that the team they have is good (yes, that's the sentence I meant to type). They don't have any really good players on the team, the only one who stands out as a guy who could have a prominent career playing basketball (on US soil) is Nelson, and his height makes that a bit of a question.

It's a team that spreads the floor and shares the ball. They have five guys averaging over 10 ppg and none averaging over 16 ppg. It's team first basketball, it works, and I hate watching it.

Clearly there is something unnatural at work here: Communism.

This team first attitude is NOT what basketball or America is all about.

Some of these players on Duke might be starring elsewhere. They could be rising up the draft boards. Instead they're part of a "team," potentially costing themselves personal fortunes down the road to advance their "team." Don't be fooled by the blue uniforms, this team is red through and through.

Would Kobe average 14 a game if it meant playing along other good players just to make the team better? Go ask Andrew Bynum, Pau Gasol, Lamar Odom, Shaq, Gary Payton and Karl Malone. They'll tell you that no, he won't. That's because Kobe Bryant is an American. Kobe Bryant is a patriot!

These Duke players may not even go on to playing for exorbitant contracts in the NBA. These all seem like the type who would end up coaching alongside their dictator, Coach K. Committed company men. Disgusting.

Come tournament time someone is going to have to step up and defend our soil. It appears to be time to turn attention away from radical fundamentalist Islam and towards communist insurgence.

Scarier still, Coach K. will be on the sidelines for Team USA! No matter the outcome of the Summer Olympics, the Chinese have won.

Yao had it coming.

Everyone should have seen this from a mile away.

Yao plays alongside Dikembe Mutombo, who has inflicted more personal injury than base jumping throughout his career, and Tracy Mcgrady, who doesn't smash skulls quite like Dikembe, but possesses the rare superpower of drawing freak injuries to his teammates.

I don't think Cal Ripken Jr. would have ever made it out of AA ball if he were coming up alongside McGrady, that's how powerful a force of injury this guy is.

The good news is that we may not have to suffer through seven grueling first round games with the Rockets just to see inevitable failure.

The Triumphant Return of Larry Hughes

32 minutes.
14 points on 4 of 11 shooting.
5 Rebounds. 3 Assists. 3 Personals. 3 Turnovers.

He did go 5 of 5 from the free throw line, but aside from that it looks like Larry Hughes may have come back down to earth. Which is unfortunate for Chicago, because I think they need the 40 point Larry Hughes.

The 2007-08 NBA Season - The Beautiful Game

I can't stop watching basketball. In the past weeks it's become a gripping addiction.

I found myself watching the Houston Chicago game last night, two teams that I almost despise watching. I think there are even some fans of the two who would agree that neither team plays a particularly exciting brand of basketball. But I had to watch.

How were Larry Hughes and Drew Gooden going to fit in Chicago? Can the Rockets keep their remarkable play going (no matter how many games they win, it's still not all that exciting to watch)? I was amazed by how quickly easily I could get sucked into this game, and a testament to just how good this NBA season is. To answer my previous questions, the Bulls new players fit in fairly well, and the Bulls as a team continued to play fairly not quite good (that's the only way I can describe it). Houston on the other hand is continuing it's streak of brilliant play by being the most boring western conference team to watch. I can't wait for the Rockets to drag out the first round to seven excruciating games so they can lose again. By game 5 every NBA fan in the country (outside of Houston) will be hoping for the series to just be over already. I can't wait!

I had to watch the Cavs play a mostly terrible Memphis team to find out how the new players would fit together and to begin to answer the burning question in Cleveland and Chicago, was Ben Wallace cartering it with the Bulls? (For those unfamiliar with the verb "cartering" it is defined as; losing interest, giving up, forfeiting effort, turning cities and countries against you. That's right ladies and gentlemen, Vince Carter is now a verb!)

The answer was a resounding "maybe."

I even had to watch the entirety of the blowout that was the Suns - Pistons game. Mostly to watch the results of this Shaq experiment unfold. Something that I'm slowly drawing conclusions upon that I'll touch on after I've watched a few more games. Partly to find out exactly how the Pistons are good. Everyone I ask about this looks at me like I'm crazy. Like it's just a given that the Detroit Pistons are a good basketball team. For some reason I'm still not sold, record, statistics and other objective measures be damned!

Then there was the Lakers - Sonics game. I don't care how loathed the Lakers may around many parts of the country. Any basketball fan should be watching them every chance they get because they are simply playing an exceedingly beautiful brand of basketball right now.

Jason Kidd has 32 assists in his last two games, grabbing 17 of them last night. To say that my interest has been piqued would be putting it mildly, even though I really didn't like the trade for Dallas, and still don't.

None of this even takes into account that the pre-trade deadline media darling, the Boston Celtics, were in action against an intriguing Portland team.

Just another night in the 2007-08 NBA regular season.

Shaq Face

I've been thinking about this for days now. In Shaq's debut with the Suns everyone knows he was very bad in the first half and very good in the second half. What bothered me about the whole thing was during the first half Shaq had a rather peculiar look on his face.

His mouth hung open and he was dripping sweat. His eyes weren't quite focused. He was taking quick shallow breaths and looked worried. It didn't look the same way an athlete does when he's just plain winded. It looked different.

I just moments ago remembered where I've seen this face.
It's the same face a guy who's just eaten way way too much greasy food makes. A whole pizza and a couple dozen chicken wings is a sure fire way to trigger this. It's the unnerving feeling that there's a great big avalanche of evil coming out of you, one way or another. You just don't know which end it's coming out of.

I don't know why he was making this face, but he clearly was.

Maybe at halftime he got to take a dump? Maybe the second half Shaq is what we will see with some Metamucil every morning?

I don't know, but I finally placed that uncomfortable face he wore for the whole first half and feel the need to tell someone.

Cleveland owes Dan Gilbert

Dan Gilbert has been called "suspect" and "meddling" and even incompetent by some. It's been said he's just a Detroit homer trying to build Pistons2 in Cleveland. Although considering what Cleveland fans feel they have to endure with the Indians owner not being able to shell out the cash that major markets have to hang on to marquee players, the city should collectively send Mr. Gilbert a nice floral arrangement today. The mans dropping dollars left and right trying to bring a championship and upgrade the team. Throw in the fact that he's been opening offices for his Quicken Loans empire in the city opening up a ton of jobs where the economy is about as promising as the WNBA and maybe it's time for the guy to get some good press.

Yesterday the guy agreed to drop an addition ten million or so this season (between salary and luxury tax) to make his already bloated payroll more competitive. He probably realizes that this isn't enough to make them title favorites either but it does make the team better, so throw the guy a hallmark card or something. The guy's committed to helping a city that's struggling in a lot of different ways. No one has mentioned this yet and I think it's important someone point this out.

After the first couple months of owning the team there was some collective nervousness among the city. There was way too much being reported on the new owner, and rightly so. He made some early mistakes. I think he learned quickly from those mistakes and as a Cavs fan I can happily say he's the most invested owner of any of the Cleveland sports teams. It's unfortunate the Cavs always ride in the backseat to the Browns and Indians. Just a dynamic of the city I guess.

Cleveland is used to quiet owners who run their franchises quietly from behind the scenes. Dan Gilbert took some getting used to from that respect. He's always at the front of things and why shouldn't he be? He's proud of his franchise and proud of everything he's achieved. I don't think that's a bad thing.

The man is invested in the city. The NBA's Collective Bargaining Agreement prevents small markets from being outbid for players by the major cities with the salary cap and luxury tax (it doesn't always work, but it helps). Of course, even with dollars being equal, some cities have more allure than others. Cleveland isn't going to attract any players with the famed weather or nightlife. The Cavs owner realized this early in his tenure and has done everything to make the city more appealing. He's spent millions renovating the arena and building state of the art practice facilities to lure players into what many consider an unappealing town.

On top of this he's hitched his other business interests to the city. Now Quicken Loans, ranked by Fortune as the second best place to work, has a major base of operations in Cleveland. He's providing good jobs in a place where there aren't very many good places to work. Maybe now the city can start focusing more attention on it's most promising franchise and most promising owner and entrepreneur.

I would appreciate it if some of you Clevelanders who visit this space would show your thanks for the Cavs owner in the comments section. I just don't see him get a ton of credit for what he does.

On to the actual trade:
Everyone knows the details of the 11 player trade. The closest thing to a loser in the trade was probably Chicago, and they still got rid of Ben Wallace so they do win in that regard.

The mood in Cleveland seems to range from cautiously optimistic to overjoyed. As a Cleveland fan I'm not really in either camp as far as optimism or jubilation. Instead I'm going to plug the company line they've been preaching for years now; have patience. Even after turning over half the roster a minute before the deadline, have patience. This move sets up next year even more than this year, but I'll get to that shortly.

As for how it affects the Cavs... they upgraded some areas and downgraded some areas. Outside shooting was significantly upgraded and that's something the Cavs have been desperate to do for a long time now. Like 5 years long time. Now they have four guys who range from deadly to very good behind the arc.

The interior defense received a significant upgrade. Just by losing Drew Gooden it was a significant upgrade, but Joe Smith is going to be very valuable to the team and if Ben Wallace can give them anything this could be the toughest front court in the NBA.

According to SI and an unnamed GM Wallace doesn't fit next to Ilgauskas. I couldn't disagree more. Wallace's best days were playing along guys who could defend the post well and let him freelance. Okur and Rasheed Wallace were usually defending the primary low post option. In Cleveland he can go back to that role. I'm not expecting him to repeat his days in Detroit, but he should easily outperform his play in Chicago.

As far as Wallace is concerned on offense I've seen a lot of talk about playing 4 on 5, comparing him to Eric Snow, and concerns about his free throws. While I don't love picking up Wallace I think it's important for everyone to understand how the Cavs offense works. They use James and Ilgauskas to draw double teams near the rim and pull defenders out of position. That's why the weak side is always so wide open and the Cavs are able to get offensive rebounds at such a high rate. I think Ben Wallace is well suited for this role. I actually expect his scoring to go up some. He should see 4 easy dunks and put backs a game created mostly off Lebron's driving.

Where the Cavs are going to be questionable now is the perimeter defense. Delonte West does make up some for the loss of Hughes, but where the real bulk of Hughes absence is going to fall is on Lebron. He now has to key the perimeter defense for the Cavs and slow down the oppositions best wing player. Of course, if Wallace returns to form he's a player who could erase a lot of mistakes in the past. It's not something Cavs fans should count on though. Eric Snow should expect to see some spot minutes to help slow down the premier perimeter players of the NBA.

The part of the deal I'm most excited for is Wally Szczerbiak. He makes a ton of money. His contract expires next year. Yeah, his outside shooting is nice, I guess. But think about what he's going to bring back next year! The Cavs are in the position next year that the Lakers were in this year. Szczerbiak and Snow combine to expire for about 20 million. That alone can bring back any star type player from a struggling franchise. I'm looking at you, Jason Richardson, Michael Redd, and unfortunately you too Vince Carter.

The Mike Miller Sweepstakes and the Titanic

The deadline approaches and the suitors are lining up for Mike Miller. Denver, Cleveland, Miami, New Jersey have all been linked to Memphis in the past couple days trying to get in on the fire sale Chris Wallace is holding.

It would be nice to see him end up in Cleveland or New Jersey, because I just don't see him being able to help either Miami or Denver all that much. Doesn't he deserve to be on a competitive (or potentially competitive) team? I mean, he's been playing in Memphis for how long now? In Cleveland he's probably more valuable to the team than Jason Kidd would have been. Except of course for the whole pleasing Lebron factor. I guess that is an important one.

Far more interesting than any Mike Miller trade, at least from the driving past a car wreck perspective, is the currently in the works Vince Carter trade. The Knicks get Carter, the Heat get Eddy Curry? and the Nets get to clear more cap room. I'd steal a joke from Stephen Colbert here and call this trade rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg but Vince Carter and Eddy Curry are clearly more like hand grenades than deck chairs. Well, Eddy Curry's like a really really fat hand grenade.

Also from todays sports world, over on yahoo sports you can find this article predicting the Cavs missing the playoffs and Mike Brown being fired. Just a few days ago Terry Pluto of the Cleveland Plain Dealer stated in his column that "Mike Brown is doing the best coaching of his three seasons..." Then to make matters more interesting Skip Bayless flew in out of the stratosphere today to predict the Cavs would win the eastern conference. Something very loud and decisive about KG being soft was Skips reasoning for the Cavs coming out of the east, but I always feel overwhelmed and frightened during Skip Bayless segments so I could be mistaken.

It's also important to note that I am well beyond giddy for tonight's Lakers - Suns game. I genuinely have absolutely no idea how this is going to play out. Last I checked the line had the Suns as favorites by 4.5. Personally, I think I'm rooting for the Lakers tonight. Hopefully I'll figure out why sometime during the game.

The MJ essay: Why?

This may have been the most disappointing article in months, the recent piece by (or is it on?) Michael Jordan in ESPN the magazine (read it here). If you find the link on the ESPN page it will be something along the lines of "Michael Jordan tells us how to fix the image of the NBA" or some such nonsense. I expected there to be some fluff because after all it is ESPN and it is MJ, and I do occasionally see an ad for Nike during sportscenter.

I hoped for a story covering what its like being the preeminent black athlete in a sport linked to "hip-hop culture" being marketed to a white middle America. If there's any special attention taken to be distanced from the hip-hop culture embraced by the infinitely less marketable Allen Iverson's. That sort of story. That would have been interesting. Equally interesting would have been a story on what exactly his plan for the Bobcats is.

Before the article even started I found this line

by Michael Jordan (as told to Ric Bucher)

There's an odd author line for a story. Apparently ESPN felt the need to send a reporter to write down or record what Jordan had to say about the NBA. Seems like a job for an intern, or somebodies secretary, or voicemail, or better yet Michael could actually put pen to paper himself. But I guess this is the treatment you get for being MJ. He truly is royalty I guess.

So Michael pens, I'm sorry, dictates an article that's not incoherent but is a bit confusing. He blames David Stern for marketing problems, saying that he can't force players into the molds he made and Magic made and Barkley, Bird, etc. A salient point. Although I don't know that David Stern has ever said anything about Vince Carter, Kobe Bryant or Lebron James being the next Jordan. I don't think he's holding private meetings with Kobe Bryant and giving him Jordan highlight tapes telling him to play more like that. Or telling Chris Paul to play like Isiah Thomas (although they'll market him as something completely different, disavowing any knowledge of Isiah). The network running Jordan's article, however, has made comparisons a couple of different times. Or maybe on a weekly basis. Strange that it was never brought up.

He also comments on cornrows. Explaining that he had them when he was younger and wondering aloud if he would have been accepted had he continued to wear them during his rise to prominence. It's not quite an old man sitting in a rocking chair prodding you with his cane and insisting "Get a haircut, damn hippy," (hip-hoppy?) but it felt along those lines. A subtle message of "To be accepted in corporate America, get a haircut."

He doesn't claim that he changed himself to be a corporate icon, but instead that a corporate icon is, in fact, who he really is. I suppose that's true, he would have looked ridiculous putting his male pattern baldness into cornrows, so in a sense he is the icon. He didn't choose it, his hairline chose it for him.

So where does the image problem lie? Maybe it's lies less with David Stern's marketing of the players and more with the media coverage afforded to different NBA players. How can a league not have an image problem when there's such varying discrimination from player to player.

Sure, MJ's an adulterer, and a questionable (at best) front office guy, and of course a (compulsive?) gambler to the point that he may or may not have been asked to take time off from basketball. Maybe he's been mentally and verbally abusive to other players on his own sideline, and he's also a brand that has resulted in more than a couple fashion related fatalities. These aren't the things we associate with MJ though. He's remembered for being the fiercest competitor sports has seen. And in spite of those travails I've listed, he's remembered as being perfectly marketable.

This brings me to a contemporary of Jordan's. A contemporary as a player and as an executive. Someone who doesn't have a fat Nike contract and doesn't receive the benefit of a short and selective memory of the public.

Isiah Thomas has always been a bit rougher around the edges than MJ, but he deserves to be mentioned by Jordan alongside the Bird's, Barkley's and Magic's that shaped the modern NBA. Isiah's legacy is forgotten, impossible to see through the mud networks like ESPN has drug him through (and rightly so, he's done some terrible work in places like New York and the CBA). All while the same network brushes the dirt off MJ's golden image.

I'm not claiming they were of identical importance of players or that they have equally tumultuous post playing careers. Isiah comes up with the short end of the stick in both cases, but not to the extent that it would seem from the current perception of the two. Isiah's made some bad moves, and has the luck of being under James Dolan who can afford to give him more than enough rope to hang himself with three times over.

Even though these two guys have walked similar paths through their lives, one shimmers while the other corrodes. I'm sure this has nothing to do with all the major news outlets for sports receiving millions of advertising dollars from Nike and Hanes (who's commercials make me about as comfortable as watching porn with my grandmother).

Maybe there wouldn't be such an image problem with the NBA if every player were signed to a great big Nike contract. Then things like drugs, unregistered handguns, troublesome entourages, and domestic disputes would be a thing of the past. At least to the casual fan who only gets news from a couple episodes of sportscenter.

Next year's Nets could be this year's Celts

If the Nets are able to receive the final league approval on this relentless Jason Kidd trade it will have been a windfall for team president Rod Thorn. Today he holds a roster that possesses some significant talent with some significant price tags. This talented core has been choking the Nets of any serious depth for years now and both Jason Kidd and Vince Carter are well past their primes even though the contracts are yet to peak. The most this years team can hope for is a meek first round exit in an even meeker conference.

Last year the Boston Celtics were only considered to be a nominally better franchise than the Knicks. This year they enjoy being the belle of the NBA ball. New Jersey could enjoy similar fortune come next year and Rod Thorn appears willing to roll the dice. The key is completing this first deal.

Once Devin Harris is in the fold Thorn appears poised to search for more deals. See what pieces he can find in the clearance bin of the NBA. He's currently targeted Mike Miller of the Memphis Grizzlies, and has the expiring deals to make it happen. He also seems determined to ship out Vince Carter to the highest bidder. Even if he sells Carter for 30 cents on the dollar it's important to keep in mind he only paid about 28 cents on the dollar to bring him to New Jersey in the first place.

Casual fans may lament these trades. A starting back court of Devin Harris and Mike Miller would get run off the court in all star votes going up against veteran luminaries Jason Kidd and Vince Carter. The contracts are certainly no match either. Harris and Miller while handsomely paid are not on max contracts like Kidd and Carter. But star power and bank accounts aside, a Harris/Miller backcourt is actually more efficient than the current one in New Jersey. It's not a landslide gain, about ~0.8 of PER, but considering that this modest gain comes in at half the price it shows how it can affect the team elsewhere.

If the rumored Carter for Indiana's Jermaine O'neal swap happens, his addition to the potential backcourt and joining Richard Jefferson and the promising Sean Williams has New Jersey looking at what could be one of the most formidable starting fives in the eastern conference. As well as a 5 man unit that can legitimately hope to compete with western conference powers.

Now it's unlikely that all three deals to build my proposed powerhouse will be completed. There's a chance none will be completed. My point is that the Nets have the assets to make other teams consider these deals and Rod Thorn has a good track record and is willing to pull the trigger on a deal when it's going to help his team over the long run.

Rod Thorn found value for Jason Kidd, more than many thought he could. I suspect he'll also find value for Vince Carter in the form of a draft pick and salary cap relief, possibly enough to let the Nets make some noise in free agency in a couple years to complement what could be a very potent core. Come this time next year teams like Miami and Cleveland could be bidding for his services trying to appease their own franchise players.

If Danny Ainge was able to turn last year's Celtics team into this year's Celtics team then there's no reason to think Rod Thorn shouldn't be able to work similar magic. The Nets are poised for a quick clean rebuilding in the next 12 months. Come next years playoffs I fully expect the team to be among the favorites in the east.

"We should emulate the Suns with Shaq" - ?

A fan from which team said this?
Clearly it must be a team with an all time dominant low post player. Most likely Orlando or Houston.

Upon further examination it's actually a fan of the Milwaukee Bucks.

The poster further explains "We could run an up tempo offense and still utilize Bogut like the Suns plan on using Shaq. Get out in transition and when it isn't working in transition dump the ball into Bogut and let him go to work. "

I don't mean this to rip an innocent message board poster on RealGM, but more to pose a question. After what we've seen so far this season in Miami, is this comparison even ridiculous? Has Shaq been any better than Andrew Bogut this year, and is there any reason the two couldn't fill similar roles?

According to every report the fountain of youth lies in Phoenix, and Shaq's been drinking from it like Vin Baker from a bottle of Boone's Farm. So I guess the answer depends solely on if you believe those reports or not.

The NBA is like shopping.

It seems the NBA season may have peaked already. Gasol, Shaq and Marion have already been traded. Jason Kidd may or may not have been traded.

All this is great. It's interesting, keeps people focused on the league. Only problem is this happened before the all star break. Every year the most exciting thing, far and away, during all star weekend is the trade talks. Unfortunately the league was on pace to win 70 games with these trades and now it looks like there's nothing left in the tank.

What the hell am I going to think about between now and tuesday? So I'll compare some deals teams have made and are trying to make to things that have absolutely nothing to do with basketball. I'm choosing shopping for my comparison. I don't know why.

Shaq to Phoenix. I'd say it's like going to Saks, buying a thousand dollar suit, and opening a store credit card to do it. It could help you get a fantastic new job, you could also spend $3000 paying it back.

Gasol to the Lakers. The Lakers didn't need Gasol. They looked like contenders anyway (pre Kobe finger injury 6 weeks unpleasantness). It was like they had huge plasma TV, good surround sound, and some comfy couches surrounding it all, then decided to go out and get an Xbox 360 for all of it. Except they found a gift card for $500 to pay for it (Kwame Browns contract) and the cashier somehow rang it up for 30% off (Chris Wallace will be playing the cashier, a role he will probably be playing in another two years. By playing I mean it will actually be his vocation).

Kidd to Mavs. I'm not really sure that the Mavs get anything out of this, so it's more like transferring the balance from a low interest rate credit card to a high interest rate rewards credit card. Then defaulting on half the money you owe (resigning Stackhouse after he's bought out). Then the janitor at the credit card company throws out your application because he doesn't want to live in New Jersey for 4 months.

Anything Isiah Thomas tries to do. I'd compare this to a crack-head walking around with a 6 foot length of garden hose, his shoes, and a football phone and trying to trade it to anyone who will give him 3 consecutive minutes for an '89 Cadillac El Dorado that's missing both doors, the trunk, and has blood all over the seats. It also has one of those orange stickers stating that the owner will owe $400 for towing fee's if the car isn't moved within 48 hours.

Anything the Cavs try to do. If the Lakers found a $500 gift card, and Isiah has some garden hose and a football phone to trade, then the Cavs have a $10 old navy gift card. Ira Newble's expiring contract is a $10 old navy gift card. You can't get much for it, there's not many places to use it, and when you can use it there's nothing you really want. Then there's the problem that they have to use the gift card under a leg of the coffee table to keep it from wobbling with all the injuries, so they're not even sure they can use it if they want to.

Anything involving Ron Artest. It's like buying and selling drugs people. You could end up in jail, you could end up dead, you could end up with your whole life ruined. You could also end up having a lot of fun (kids- don't do drugs). If only we could hook Ron up with Isiah, in terms of this strictly non basketball comparison it makes endless sense.

I'm just going to take a moment to apologize for the inanity of my column. I'm overwhelmed and disappointed right now. I'm sorry.

Top 5 Douchebags from Wednesday.

Outraged. I'd like to say that's what yesterday left me with. So many total douchenozzle's all over my television all evening. I'd like to take a moment to rank them based on overall douchieness. These are only the top 5 douches from yesterday. Rest assured that there were many more.

5. Donnie Nelson. I like Mark Cuban too much to blame him for trying to make such a stupid trade so I'm blaming "Donnie." Of course "Donnie" is a grown man, so simply by still going by the name Donnie makes him a daily candidate to be a top 5 douche. Seriously, just go by Don Jr. already.

4. Devean George. Going 0-11 and scoreless is pretty bad, but what's been overlooked is the beautiful job he did on the defensive end. He absolutely shut down a future hall of fame point guard. I mean made Jason Kidd his bitch. Kidd's the type of player who you live with "getting his" but Devean George stepped up to the challenge and locked him up. Not just for a game but for a whole season. Maybe even a career! (The more I write about Devean George I'm actually strongly considering taking him off this list, refusing to cooperate for a future hall of famer is pretty awesome).

3. Roger Clemens. Thanks to Roger now Barry Bonds, Mike Vick, Pacman Jones and OJ are no longer even in the conversation for being the most disgusting professional athletes of our lifetimes. Clearly it wasn't Roger's fault that this happened. He had some really bad influences in his life that he had no control over. Like his personal trainer, best friend, baby Jesus, and wife. Why has no one started a charity fund to help Roger raise money for legal expenses, if he doesn't deserve it, no one does.

2. Dan Burton. I don't think Dan Quayle ever embarrassed himself this much. Apparently as Mr. Burton understands things it is illegal or at very least "disgusting" to have lied in the past and then come under oath. Coming under oath works retroactively apparently. Terrifying.

1. Duke University. Just everything about it. It should really just be Doukhe University. Ok, maybe that doesn't really work, Douche University... whatever. Everything about the school is insufferable (just a warning, I'm going to be on this for awhile, days possibly).

I've always hated Duke, always will. There's no shortage of reasons to hate Duke, but last night watching the Maryland - Duke game I suddenly felt justified in my hatred. No, more than justified, righteous. I'm doing God's work here.

During a break in play they cut to some wretched vile creature. Something that looked like it had crawled out from the bowels of an ocean trench. I took my assumption for fact once I saw the way it flailed about as if it were suffocating on the unforgiving dry land. The abomination hurled every tendril and appendage it had available, wretched maw gaping with some pugnacious frown. Why had no one slain this creature? Call in the national guard!

It would come to my attention when the camera withdrew that this was in fact a cheerleader. A human one even.

All this brings me to my point. How ugly are Duke students if they can't even find cheerleaders who are somewhat attractive. A quick look at the student section would reveal a veritable train wreck.

Tags: Clemens, Duke, Cheerleaders, Dan Burton, Devean George, Jason Kidd, Dallas Mavericks, Maryland

Mark Cuban: Trying to fix the past.

Jason Kidd is headed to Dallas? Really? I didn't think they had the pieces to get a deal done, then again, I didn't think they would ever give up Devin Harris.

I generally like Mark Cuban. He's outlandish, brazen, thinks he's smarter than most everyone else (he probably is), and stays confident regardless of what's said about him. Considering that, I don't really know why he would do this deal.

To me it feels like he's trying to make up for the one bad business decision he's probably ever made; letting Steve Nash walk. A few years ago Devin Harris was promising enough to make resigning Steve Nash less than mandatory. Sure, there were questions about Nash's health and how many years he had left in him. This, however, won't fix that mistake. It compounds it.

The Nash decision is what economists call a sunk cost. Cuban rolled the dice with Harris and it hasn't worked out too poorly either. Now the player who made Steve Nash expendable is being traded away to bring in a point guard who is the SAME AGE AS STEVE NASH. And doesn't shoot nearly as well. Actually, rebounding aside, he might not do anything as well as Steve Nash. Ok, ok, that's not true, Steve Nash couldn't hold Jason Kidd's jock in a game of spousal abuse.

Now just for the logistics of the trade... if the Mavs aren't able to resign Stackhouse after he's been bought out, then god help them. This could be ugly. The Mavs lose Devin Harris who happens to be the only player on the team who has any prayer of containing those little, fleet footed point guards. That's not that big a deal though, as long as they don't come across Phoenix, San Antonio, Golden State, or Denver in the playoffs (while not a point guard, AI still falls into the little, fleet footed category). No problem, they can still play with LA, Utah.

So the Mavs give up the best defensive point guard on the roster, no big deal, they can still protect the rim when players do get into the lane.

Whoa, giving up Diop too? He's an expiring deal and it's always nice to use those to bring pieces back, but isn't he the only shot blocker on the Mavs? Probably the best interior defender on the team too.

I hope Cuban can spend his way out of this one, because right now it looks like the trade for Jason Kidd just created a team with a handful of very talented pieces without much depth. Hey, it's like Jason Kidd is getting traded from the Nets to the Nets!

Tags: Jason Kidd, Jason Kidd trade, Mark Cuban, Dallas Mavericks, Mavs, Kidd trade reaction

Turkoglu Paradox

If Hedo Turkoglu were playing baseball he would be on steroids. I'm certain of this. He's having a breakout season at the age of 29. I'm sorry, that's just weird. This isn't even a contract year.

Hedo was always one of those guys who I was totally 100% sure was stoned. Or just woke up. Probably stoned. Any close-up of Turkoglu running back up the court makes him a shoe-in for a starter on the annual bong-stars team. He's always made T-Mac look alert, and still does. So why is he suddenly good?

Not just good, borderline All-Star good. It's just... unnatural.

I've narrowed it down to three answers: Steroids, HGH, or Satan. The dark lord is powerful in ways we can't imagine.

Big day tomorrow, very big day.
Cavs - Spurs. Duke - Maryland. Should be a good day.